A crucial part of coming home to your body

Why you should touch your pussy everyday

(Originally published on Substack)

If you desire a deeper connection with your body, then you need to make time to be with your body. 

If you desire more pleasure and better sex, you need to make time to be with your body (and not for pleasure practices).

If you desire true embodiment, you need to make time to touch your body. 

If you desire a healthy nervous system, you need to make time to touch your body - where your nervous system actually lives! And not just any part of your body (although the whole body requires care). In this post, I’m going to break down why you need to be making time to touch your vulva + vagina often. 

My stance: every woman should be touching her vulva and vagina multiple times per week or even every day. The relationship you have to your pussy shows everything you need to know about your relationship to life. If you’re scared to look at and touch your pussy — the portal of life — then how much does fear control your life? The health of your pelvic tissues tells so much too. If your pelvic tissues are stuck, painful, numb or stagnant, that shows that your pelvis is not getting enough blood flow and vitality. Structurally, the position of the pelvis impacts the rest of the body as well. If the pelvis is stuck, tight, rotated, etc. then this will impact the movement of the spine, ribs, neck and hips. We can start to bring vitality and blood flow into these tissues and correct imbalances via touch and intention

Now that you understand why it’s so important to start touching and building a relationship with your pelvis, let’s continue.

Let’s look at what health is and isn’t in the pelvis and vulva. 

The world of porn and plastic surgery has normalized small little labia and vulvas that don’t hang or take up space. This is not what health looks like in the vulva.

The vulva, when at its healthiest state, is meant to be blood filled, engorged tissue. The labia should be plump and hang down off the pelvis (of course labia come in many different sizes but the point is they are meant to have movement). You should be able to cup your vulva in your hand and feel the plumpness of your tissues filling your hand. This is a sign of a healthy vulva. The labia are full of nerve endings and when they are healthy and cared for, we can receive so much pleasure from them.

What’s more common these days is for women to have sucked up, suffocated labia that are adhering to the bones of the pelvis and are thin and friable. Lots of women also have milia on their labia and vulva, which feel like tiny hard bumps in the tissue and are signs of stagnation and stuck toxins in the tissue. Ideally, you want labia that are milia-free, soft, plump, and gently hanging down from the body. You want your whole vulva to have these same characteristics. 

How do you achieve this? By increasing the blood flow to your vulva. Blood is necessary for vitality, energy, and health, and if you want a vulva that has healthy sensation, function, and even arousal, rather than a suffocated and tight one, you need to increase the amount of blood flow coming to your pelvis. To do this, you need to create a relationship with your pelvis, vulva, and vagina. Specifically, you need to create this relationship through touch. 

I’m a big fan of energetic/shamanic work. There is a lot of benefit to learning how to connect with the pelvis and pussy energetically. That’s not what I’m writing about here. To create true, deep change in the tissue of your vulva and vagina, to bring more pleasure and sensation online, you have to touch your body.

Let’s pause for a little anatomy lesson. The labia, clitoris, vaginal opening and vagina are made of mucosal tissue, which is very different from the rest of the skin on your body (except for your mouth. You can feel that the inside of your mouth has tissue like what you feel when you touch your pussy). Mucosal tissue is designed to be moist, and the mucosal tissue in the vulva and vagina is designed to move and stretch (otherwise we wouldn’t be able to have sex or give birth). If we want to bring more blood flow, movement, and life into the pussy, you have to meet the tissue and free it from being suffocated. This is why to change the pelvis, you need to touch your body. Since this tissue is designed to be stretched, you don’t have to touch this skin like it’s fragile. You can meet your vulva and vagina with intentional, firm touch, even if there are uncomfortable sensations present. Touch is how we open up and resensitize the body. This means meeting every sensation present, breathing with it, and building a relationship of trust between your hands and your pussy. 

(If you want to learn more about mucosal tissue, watch this video.) 

Ready to meet your vulva? Read on for a suggested hands-on practice. 

This practice is designed to help you start touching your vulva. I recommend doing this every single day you can, even for 5 minutes. Everyone can find 5 minutes in the day to spare - just stop scrolling and touch your vulva. 

Start gently. Take a few rounds of breath just cupping and holding your vulva, seeing if you can feel your breath expanding your vulva into your hand. I like to recommend that you do this practice in front of a mirror so you can look at your vulva. Notice her physical appearance. Is your pubic mound full and plump, or sucked up against your pubic bone? Are your labia red and plump or do they look shrunken, dry, or even a bit grey? Any grey color in your labia is a strong sign that your vulva is not getting adequate blood flow. 

Take a few breaths just looking at your vulva. Get to know all her folds, see how your labia hang, notice if you can see your clitoris. Start to attune your awareness to your vulva and how she looks. Have you ever done this before? How does it feel to be present and admire your vulva?

Now, move on to touching your vulva. I recommend you use a bit of oil for this. The best oil to use is castor oil, as it closely resembles the natural lubrication our body makes and the ricinoleic acid found in castor oil is deeply healing to our tissue. I’ll explain more about castor oil below. For now, let’s return to the practice. 

Gently touch your vulva, starting with your mound of Venus, or pubic mound. Start to palpate the tissue, noticing how it feels beneath your fingers. How much movement is there in your pubic mound? How does it feel to touch here? Is there any sensation, or is there numbness? This is a fatty layer of tissue and should be plump, hydrated, and pliable. Notice how yours feels. You can take some time here to hold and touch this tissue. I recommend rubbing the mound of Venus in a circular motion, seeing if you can bring more movement into the tissue. 

Next, bring your fingers to your outer labia. Run your fingers down each labia, noticing how they feel. Is there easy movement for your labia? Is there sensation as you touch your labia? Make sure you use plenty of oil here. Castor oil is helpful in rehydrating tissue, and the vulva can always use more hydration. You can gently pinch each labia, rolling it between your fingers. Notice if you feel any small bumps — if you do, those are likely milia. Just gently touch and roll the tissue. The more you do this, the easier it will be for any milia to be broken up and dissolved. 

You can then move your fingers to your inner labia, holding each one and gently rolling the tissue. Take your time to meet each labia.

Next, find your clitoris. Can you touch and hold your clitoris? What about making gentle circular motions on the head of the clitoris, without speeding up to create friction or pleasure? 

Finally, bring your fingers to your vaginal opening. You can hold your vaginal ring and breathe into your fingers, getting your tissues used to being touched like this. If you’re ready, you can place a finger inside the entrance, and start to feel the tissue inside your vagina. What sensations do you notice here? 

When you’re ready, take a deep breath and bring your hand back to cup and hold your whole vulva. Stay here for a round of breath, and notice how any sensations have shifted or transformed. 

Do this often. 

Why use castor oil?

There are several benefits to castor oil, but the main reason to use it is that it contains ricinoleic acid which is highly moisturizing and supportive for the mucosal tissue found in the vulva and vagina. When touching the pussy, we want to be careful not to disrupt the balance of vulva and vaginal flora or the pH balance. Castor oil is generally well tolerated and does not disrupt these delicate balances. Another commonly used oil is coconut oil, which some people tolerate fine. However, others may find that coconut oil disrupts health flora and pH balance. Coconut oil is also not as hydrating for the tissue as castor oil is, and if you try both, you’ll feel the difference! 

The following quote is from Healthline:

Castor oil is rich in ricinoleic acid, a monounsaturated fatty acid known for its moisturizing properties. It can be used alone or with other oils as a natural alternative to store-bought moisturizers.

Another source about castor oil benefits.

My invitation to you:

Make 2026 the year that you start devotionally tending to your body. Make 2026 the year that you come home to your pelvis and pussy. Start small, with intentional touch as many days a week as possible. Make time for your body, and you’ll quickly see your body respond. Our bodies crave intentional, loving, healing touch. Give yourself that this year. 

Interested in diving deeper into practices like the one I shared here? Join me for Womb Continuum Care.